Dear Abby: Is my selfish husband threatened by my goal of mastery?

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DEAR ABBY: I am a wife and mother in my late thirties. I am also a registered nurse, starting a masters program to further my career. I consider myself an intelligent person and I did well in college.

My husband is also smart, and I’m proud of his accomplishments in his career. However, he can be arrogant at times, giving the impression that he’s smarter than everyone around him, including me.

Today I overheard him talking to his boss, who he told about the masters program I’m starting in a few weeks. He then told his boss that he should probably write some of my paperwork for me. I couldn’t believe he said that. First of all, that’s not true; No one would ever finish my work for me. Second, I found it insulting that he said I needed him to complete my homework. (We are in different fields. He is an engineer.)

He didn’t know I was home when he said it, but I walked into his office as soon as I heard. He looked surprised and apologized, but I can’t get over it. I feel so hurt and humiliated. Does he tell his colleagues about me? How to move forward? — COMPLETED IN OHIO

DEAR ACCOMPLISHED: Your engineer husband’s ego may be at risk because you’re becoming more academically accomplished. He may also have been trying to inflate his image in the eyes of his boss by making you look like “the little woman” when you caught him in the act. Regardless of what he may say to others, your accomplishments speak for themselves. Do not forget it. As for how to move on, it may depend on your willingness to forgive him for his weaknesses.

DEAR ABBY: My son “Alex” and his girlfriend “Dee” lived together for eight years. We were all very close and did a lot of family things with my other son and his family. Alex broke up with Dee two years ago, although they continued to talk for some time afterward. We all hoped they would reconcile. He was then very stressed and suffered from depression and anxiety. He was sorry a month after the breakup, but Dee didn’t want to get back together.

We stayed in touch. She still skates with my daughter-in-law and we met for brunch recently. Dee mentioned that she met someone on an online dating site six months ago and it could get serious. This man knows she feels it’s time to get married and start a family. He is eight years older than her, has never been married and has no children. They don’t live together. Dee met her family.

Should I tell my son? I feel like Alex needs to move on, and he really hasn’t. I think he still hopes they will be together. — PROTECTIVE MOTHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM: Dee told you she met someone because she knew you would pass the message on to your son. If he’s put his life on hold, hoping to get it back, he deserves to know it’s not planned – so tell him.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


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